I found this surfing the internet. If you don't understand this, shame on you!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Five surgeons
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
"I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
"I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
"I like to operate on lawyers," said the fourth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."
"I like engineers," said the fifth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
Source : HumorArchives
"I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
"I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
"I like to operate on lawyers," said the fourth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."
"I like engineers," said the fifth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
Source : HumorArchives
Password
More from NotAlwaysRight
Source : NotAlwaysRight
(We get a LOT of calls like this.)
Him: “I locked myself out of my computer, and I cant get in and I need to get in! My password doesn’t work!”
Me: “Okay, we can do a password reset for you.”
Him: “This is really important, I need to be able to log in!”
Me: “Okay, sir, no problem. Can you just verify your login ID for me?”
Him: *verifies*
Me: “Okay, great. Now can you verify that your Caps Lock is not on?”
Him: “What? That’s stupid, why would I…oh.” *silence*
Me: “Sir?”
Him: “…it just worked all of a sudden, thanks.”
Me: “…”
Source : NotAlwaysRight
Friday, March 28, 2008
More Stories
Been reading more of them on 365 tomorrows.
All quite short (less than 600 words) and some of them are quite decent.
Some of my favorites so far:
Birthday Boy
Take Me To Your Leader
A Mother's love
Turing Test (if you don't know what a turing test is, here's the wikipedia entry)
All quite short (less than 600 words) and some of them are quite decent.
Some of my favorites so far:
Birthday Boy
Take Me To Your Leader
A Mother's love
Turing Test (if you don't know what a turing test is, here's the wikipedia entry)
New Words
Aquadextrous (adj.) Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
More here
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Celebrity comic book cameos
Sometimes a celebrity will appear in a comic book and it can be good if done well. But that isn't always the case. Some of these are just plain wrong...
If only... (Part 3/3)
The final part of this Centron story. If you haven't been following, here's the beginning.
I was glad when I want to get a few new transistors and I didn't find Chloe waiting for me. I'd have gone somewhere else, if I'd trusted another shop to have what I needed. But this was a special electronics store for a special clientel. The owner was a bit strange and looked as if he had been shocked one to many times. But that's okay, I'm not exactly normal and the guy is a genius when it comes to hardware. However, whenever I deal with him, he looks at me like he wants to take me apart. We also usually don't do small talk, which I like but this time he felt talkative.
"Your friend isn't here today. It's strange because she came here every other day"
She probably finally came to her senses and stopped chasing dreams. What is it with humans and their dreams? I can barely remember what they were like, but -
"Must have something to do with that guy yesterday." The shop keeper continued "Seemed like a big agrument and him then dragging her off like that."
My thought patrons stopped and suddenly my mind flooded with the electronic chatter. Radio waves are everywhere and it's gotten worse with the global WiFi project. And I can feel them all, like waves carrying botled messages that keep crashing into me. The police band shouted in my ear.
< ... female caucassian child found dead ... battered ... assualted ... identification Carpenter, ... father wanted for questioning ... whereabouts unknown ...>
If only I - Suddenly I could actually hear something clicking in my positronic brain. The presence that lingered called out for access. Within moments my very thoughts directed the central processing unit of the moon base to start the facial recognition software via three satelites and a local router. The police might not know where he is, but I had found my target and only one thought remained. It was as if I watched from a distance as the body that I currently possess flew out of the store and headed to the nearby motel.
It wasn't hard to find him. It's as if he wanted to be found, as if he was rubbing it in.
The door did not demonstrate to be an obstacle. And then I was face to face with a man, if you could even call it that. Within moments I had him pinned against the wall. He wasn't that though against some one his own size. "I didn't do it, whatever you think I did, I'm innocent" I let him ramble on a bit as my hand squeezed down on his neck. The presence cried out for blood, drained fresh from the fleshy creature. My hand shook as it desired to be bathed in the red substance. Every thought went out to the small girl who had asked for my autograph, the one person in the world maybe worth saving. But I was held back by a final memory. "They bring the bad guys to justice".
It didn't take long to drop him off at the nearest police station, and I waited long enough to see them cuff him and drag him in.
So here I am, standing on a tall appartement building. I've already contacted Shade and he's on his way so I just need to stall a bit. The van speeds around the corner, money bills fly out as the driver punches the gas once more. From here I can see that he's covered in scales, so this should prove to be interesting. Let's be a hero.
I was glad when I want to get a few new transistors and I didn't find Chloe waiting for me. I'd have gone somewhere else, if I'd trusted another shop to have what I needed. But this was a special electronics store for a special clientel. The owner was a bit strange and looked as if he had been shocked one to many times. But that's okay, I'm not exactly normal and the guy is a genius when it comes to hardware. However, whenever I deal with him, he looks at me like he wants to take me apart. We also usually don't do small talk, which I like but this time he felt talkative.
"Your friend isn't here today. It's strange because she came here every other day"
She probably finally came to her senses and stopped chasing dreams. What is it with humans and their dreams? I can barely remember what they were like, but -
"Must have something to do with that guy yesterday." The shop keeper continued "Seemed like a big agrument and him then dragging her off like that."
My thought patrons stopped and suddenly my mind flooded with the electronic chatter. Radio waves are everywhere and it's gotten worse with the global WiFi project. And I can feel them all, like waves carrying botled messages that keep crashing into me. The police band shouted in my ear.
< ... female caucassian child found dead ... battered ... assualted ... identification Carpenter, ... father wanted for questioning ... whereabouts unknown ...>
If only I - Suddenly I could actually hear something clicking in my positronic brain. The presence that lingered called out for access. Within moments my very thoughts directed the central processing unit of the moon base to start the facial recognition software via three satelites and a local router. The police might not know where he is, but I had found my target and only one thought remained. It was as if I watched from a distance as the body that I currently possess flew out of the store and headed to the nearby motel.
It wasn't hard to find him. It's as if he wanted to be found, as if he was rubbing it in.
The door did not demonstrate to be an obstacle. And then I was face to face with a man, if you could even call it that. Within moments I had him pinned against the wall. He wasn't that though against some one his own size. "I didn't do it, whatever you think I did, I'm innocent" I let him ramble on a bit as my hand squeezed down on his neck. The presence cried out for blood, drained fresh from the fleshy creature. My hand shook as it desired to be bathed in the red substance. Every thought went out to the small girl who had asked for my autograph, the one person in the world maybe worth saving. But I was held back by a final memory. "They bring the bad guys to justice".
It didn't take long to drop him off at the nearest police station, and I waited long enough to see them cuff him and drag him in.
So here I am, standing on a tall appartement building. I've already contacted Shade and he's on his way so I just need to stall a bit. The van speeds around the corner, money bills fly out as the driver punches the gas once more. From here I can see that he's covered in scales, so this should prove to be interesting. Let's be a hero.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Metro messages
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
More here
More here
Save me... (Part 2/3)
The continuation of the Centron story I posted yesterday
I honestly can't understand girls. I've found it more difficult to relate to humans since my recent accident but young girls are a completely seperate enigma. Especially this one. The self-proclamed biggest fan named Chloe just became quiet and stared for a while, as if she gathered up all her courage.
"Could I have your autograph?"
This sounded a bit too familair for my taste. All I wanted was a metagraph for my analysis...
"I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with some one else"
The small girl gave me a look indicating that there weren't a lot of cyborgs walking around New York these days.
"Nope, you're definitly the super hero; Centron"
"I'm no hero, small human"
"But you stopped a murdering robot and vanquished a terrible vampire"
This is one well-informed girl.
"It's more complex than that, there's more to being a hero than just killing bad guys"
Chloe seemed startled by what I said.
"Of course there is, heroes don't kill 'em, they bring the bad guys to justice"
This is where I gave in. I wasn't in the mood and had a space ship to repair. I tore off a piece of the receipt I got and cribble my name. Chloe beams with excitement as I give her the paper.
"Thank you very much. I'll treasure this. But I'd better get going before my dad gets angry at me for staying away for so long."
She runs away and I walk into an alley. I jump up and take flight. It takes me about two minutes to leave Earth's atmosphere and this usually gives me time to think. This time I thought up new and inventive ways for Shade to do these pick ups for me.
Unfortunatly a few days later I find myself in the city yet again. The thermal transducer broke which I needed for my infra red spectral analysis of the ship. I was quite suprised when I saw Chloe standing next to the electronics shop where I had met her a while ago. When she saw me, she jumped up and run towards me.
"I knew you'd be back. I've been coming here everyday after school in the hope of seeing you. No one believed me at school when I said I met you."
"What is it you want this time, child? You already have my autograph"
She suddenly looked down.
" ... I lost that ... but I have a better proposal"
"Which would be?"
"Well... could I be your sidekick?"
"Why would I need a sidekick?"
As I said this, the prospect of some one to pick up stuff did seem very appealing.
"Eeuhm... I'd always be by your side, helping you fight crime, delivering witty comments when the oppurtunity presented itself and you'd come and save me whenever I get kidnapped and stuff."
However the annoyance of coming down every few days to shop seemed less than that of having to babysit a child. I have enough of that with Shade.
"Sorry, not really interested"
With that I walked away but I had a feeling she wasn't going to give up just yet.
I honestly can't understand girls. I've found it more difficult to relate to humans since my recent accident but young girls are a completely seperate enigma. Especially this one. The self-proclamed biggest fan named Chloe just became quiet and stared for a while, as if she gathered up all her courage.
"Could I have your autograph?"
This sounded a bit too familair for my taste. All I wanted was a metagraph for my analysis...
"I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with some one else"
The small girl gave me a look indicating that there weren't a lot of cyborgs walking around New York these days.
"Nope, you're definitly the super hero; Centron"
"I'm no hero, small human"
"But you stopped a murdering robot and vanquished a terrible vampire"
This is one well-informed girl.
"It's more complex than that, there's more to being a hero than just killing bad guys"
Chloe seemed startled by what I said.
"Of course there is, heroes don't kill 'em, they bring the bad guys to justice"
This is where I gave in. I wasn't in the mood and had a space ship to repair. I tore off a piece of the receipt I got and cribble my name. Chloe beams with excitement as I give her the paper.
"Thank you very much. I'll treasure this. But I'd better get going before my dad gets angry at me for staying away for so long."
She runs away and I walk into an alley. I jump up and take flight. It takes me about two minutes to leave Earth's atmosphere and this usually gives me time to think. This time I thought up new and inventive ways for Shade to do these pick ups for me.
Unfortunatly a few days later I find myself in the city yet again. The thermal transducer broke which I needed for my infra red spectral analysis of the ship. I was quite suprised when I saw Chloe standing next to the electronics shop where I had met her a while ago. When she saw me, she jumped up and run towards me.
"I knew you'd be back. I've been coming here everyday after school in the hope of seeing you. No one believed me at school when I said I met you."
"What is it you want this time, child? You already have my autograph"
She suddenly looked down.
" ... I lost that ... but I have a better proposal"
"Which would be?"
"Well... could I be your sidekick?"
"Why would I need a sidekick?"
As I said this, the prospect of some one to pick up stuff did seem very appealing.
"Eeuhm... I'd always be by your side, helping you fight crime, delivering witty comments when the oppurtunity presented itself and you'd come and save me whenever I get kidnapped and stuff."
However the annoyance of coming down every few days to shop seemed less than that of having to babysit a child. I have enough of that with Shade.
"Sorry, not really interested"
With that I walked away but I had a feeling she wasn't going to give up just yet.
Monday, March 24, 2008
A strange creature indeed... (Part 1/3)
Part 1 of 3 of an extra story about Centron (The first of many if I have my way)
I rarely visit New York anymore. There's no need, nothing to do here, no evil corperations to bring down and no one for me here. I prefer it on the base anyway, away from humans who remind me of a forgotten past. And it's been very quiet these past few weeks. Not even the type of quiet that comes before the storm. It's the usual quiet where people go about their lives, stuff happens but nothing I really need to concern myself with.
But unfortunately if I want to get this alien ship analysed I need some supplies and since Shade isn't around on the count of it being so quiet, I need to go get them myself. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and I'm doing grocery shopping.
I've had to select my suppliers carefully and dress up in hat and long trench coat to go do these things. And then I still get strange looks walking down the street. People fear the things that they don't know and a human mind trapped inside an android body is right up there with spikey hair guy wagging his tail.
They all react the same. Suddenly crossing the street, whispering among themselves. But I don't mind or even care, not since I became this way or maybe even before.
As I walk away from a recent heavy duty metagraph purchase, I find my way suddenly blocked by a small creature gazing up at me. I look down to analyse the obstacle. A child, no more than twelve years of age, wide eyed, bewildered and with a tiny voice.
"It's is you, isn't it? You're part of that new super hero team that's been protecting the city recently."
This is a new reaction to people meeting me for the first time.
"What's it to you, small human?"
"I've been following your adventures in the papers since you guys formed. I've even saved all of the clippings. My father always tells me off about it, says you're no more than a bunch of renegades. But I know better. And out of all of them, I think you're the coolest."
With a large smile, the tiny girl adds
"My name is Chloe Carpenter and I'm your biggest fan"
I rarely visit New York anymore. There's no need, nothing to do here, no evil corperations to bring down and no one for me here. I prefer it on the base anyway, away from humans who remind me of a forgotten past. And it's been very quiet these past few weeks. Not even the type of quiet that comes before the storm. It's the usual quiet where people go about their lives, stuff happens but nothing I really need to concern myself with.
But unfortunately if I want to get this alien ship analysed I need some supplies and since Shade isn't around on the count of it being so quiet, I need to go get them myself. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and I'm doing grocery shopping.
I've had to select my suppliers carefully and dress up in hat and long trench coat to go do these things. And then I still get strange looks walking down the street. People fear the things that they don't know and a human mind trapped inside an android body is right up there with spikey hair guy wagging his tail.
They all react the same. Suddenly crossing the street, whispering among themselves. But I don't mind or even care, not since I became this way or maybe even before.
As I walk away from a recent heavy duty metagraph purchase, I find my way suddenly blocked by a small creature gazing up at me. I look down to analyse the obstacle. A child, no more than twelve years of age, wide eyed, bewildered and with a tiny voice.
"It's is you, isn't it? You're part of that new super hero team that's been protecting the city recently."
This is a new reaction to people meeting me for the first time.
"What's it to you, small human?"
"I've been following your adventures in the papers since you guys formed. I've even saved all of the clippings. My father always tells me off about it, says you're no more than a bunch of renegades. But I know better. And out of all of them, I think you're the coolest."
With a large smile, the tiny girl adds
"My name is Chloe Carpenter and I'm your biggest fan"
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